spongebob_lost_episodes_officialfandomcom-20200214-history
Oh Patrick!
The opening theme to the show was weird too. It starts with a stock image of a pirate you would see normally in the show, with his lips moving realistically, but instead, we see George Jetson pictures which I assume that they were taken off of Google Images due to the minor pixels that I see. He says, "Are you ready kids?" in a similar vine of the actual pirate from the show. Hell, he even has the same voice! So anyway, after the p-I mean, "George Jetson" asks, the kids started laughing hysterically. These kids continued laughing as they sound more demonic, as it overlapped the audio for the animation of the intro, until the very end of the intro, where instead of SpongeBob playing his nose as a flute, he vomited through the screen. After that... um... disturbing version of what seemed to be a loveable intro for a show aimed for a demographic of children, the title card read, "Oh Patrick!" while the background image of Squidward on fire layered behind the title, as we open up SpongeBob in a pineapple house, under the sea. As we see the house inside. And if you think the intro was weird, check this out! Gary the Snail was shown that he killed himself by placing a gun to his head and we see snail blood. Offscreen, we hear what seemed to sound like Patrick yelling in agony, "WHAT THE FUCK?" five times. The next part gets more twisted and menacing. We see SpongeBob in the kitchen, looking unusually nervous, as he had photo-realistic eyes. That's not all, the animation on the character himself looked cheap like something off of a B-movie. He goes to the counter to find Kelpo cereal with Barnacle Chips on the side. While that happens, we see SpongeBob's hands, which looked like realistic yellow hands, like they were paper cutouts or something. Seriously, the animation for the character looked lazy, unfinished, and cheap. So, SpongeBob gets ready to eat the cereal, until he looked at the clock of his wall and it said, 7:00am. He then said, "I got to clean up." and laughs. Unfortunately, it wasn't the trademark laugh we were used to. I assumed that this was like if Woody Woodpecker was diabolically laughing while an alien pops out of someone's chest. I know that it is Tom Kenny, the voice actor behind him, but in this one, he sounded like he was disgusted, tiresome, and even sad, sounding like Urkel from Family Matters having a stroke. He goes to the bathroom, and as he gets ready to take a shower, he doesn't even turn the water on, he just takes a piss in the shower. He was pissing on two legs while washing hands... with piss! To add insult to injury, we see SpongeBob's yellow spongy penis. What? Nobody wants to see SpongeBob's dick! Not even on a kids' show! So, he walks downstairs and runs to Patrick. You think in this scene, he would have the same voice from the episodes. Hell, even the same voice from the beginning where he yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK?" Strange to announce, it's not the same voice. He actually sounded like a pissed-off white trash German. "VY HEIL SPONGEBOB, VILL VE GO TO ZE HOUSE OF SQUEEDWARD TO GO JELLYFEESHING?" screamed Patrick as he ran to beat up Sandy Cheeks, the Texas squirrel, as we hear realistic cries from her, and we see blood and gore, which some consist of squirrel organs, and I questioned if this was meant for kids. SpongeBob smiled like nothing was happening. Patrick then says, "I VANT TO MAKE ZE KRABBY PATTIES FOR DER FUHRER." I noticed right away that he said the leader in German, leading to the point that he may be related to the biggest genocidal maniac of World War II that killed millions of people, Adolf Hitler. But I know it's a common German word for leader as a whole, so I thought it was okay, and I sighed with relief. So we see Patrick go to the Krusty Krab, when it turns out that he was actually going to the house of Squidward Tentacles. Squidward looked disappointed there and wanted to shove his clarinet up his ass like it's a dildo. Okay, I guess? Oh, but wait! It gets worse! We see a closeup of Squidward's anus as he literally shoves his clarinet up his anus! Jesus! Patrick comes in, as I assumed that this came off of the idea that I pitched early that day, so somebody probably stole my idea. But anyway, Patrick said, "VILL YOU PLAY SOLITUDE IN E MINOR? IT VILL MAKE ME LAUGH HARD." Squidward said, "Who give a rat's fucking ass about that? I banged Rodger Bumpass up his anal pads." What? I mean, this is a goddamn kids' cartoon? And not to mention, he even said the name of the voice actor that played him, mentioning that he "banged" him. Huh? Then, with an unknown fanfare or a hint of announcement, he took a gun right out of nowhere, probably his cock, and shot Squidward while smiling. SpongeBob comes out of nowhere while this happens, talking abruptly. "Patrick, would you like some... chocolate... covered cock?" This was the point that I really had to eject the DVD. The song, "The Campfire Song Song" played in the background, but instead of the word, "campfire," that world was replaced by "Dorito's taco" from Taco Bell, as if this episode was sponsoring Taco Bell. As this was going on, he immediately grabbed a Krabby Patty out of nowhere, and started fucking the Krabby Patty. SpongeBob followed suit. Then, they grabbed kitchen knives and stabbed each other pealing their skin to the Krabby Patties, as we see realistic sea animal skeleton bones. I said, "I had enough of this bullshit!" I got ready to eject the DVD, when I saw the most nightmarish image of everyone's favorite childhood cartoon characters. SpongeBob and Patrick eventually go to the Krusty Krab and Mr. Krabs comes in jerking off in public without noticing. They... were in... a three-way orgy.